Sunday, June 11, 2017

One Hundred Sixy Six

I felt a sudden emptiness when he walked out of the door yesterday. Can't believe this fortnight he spent in nenek's house would leave me feeling sore upon its end.

He literally tagged along wherever I went these past couple of weeks. And at night he'd ask me to sleep downstairs with him because he said, "But I like having you around."

Even when he didn't have any class in Prima, he'd still want to follow me. "Please please please," he begged. I couldn't afford declining this. He would hover around until I finished teaching.

He's so likable he received so many presents on his birthday last week. His presence is a pleasure despite his challenging and annoying questions. He's a little explorer who's so curious about everything around him. He's kind, obedient but also has his own temper sometimes.

A day before yesterday, Cik Nah said, "Next week rumah mesti sunyi," and I couldn't agree more. Today's the first day the house had an iftar this year without you, Hayl Arsyad.

You always have a special place in everyone's heart. I literally cried out loud driving back home yesterday knowing that you won't be there anymore.

See you next week.

Thursday, June 8, 2017

One Hundred Sixty Five

I am not in my best days now. There are several personal issues I'm encountering that would affect my work performance as well.

I can be so demotivated when challenges hit me like this. I would curl in bed for hours doing entirely nothing. That's how bad I can be.

So I kinda reflect on my actions and feelings and I came across news on a lady being gang raped and her child being thrown away to the side of the road on the aftermath (he was found dead later), then I also came across stories on wives being beaten mercilessly by husbands, on parents who lost their children. I even visited my distant relative who's vegetable now and is taken care by her children...

All these made me realise how petty my challenges are. Comparatively, theirs mentioned above are beyond anything I could imagine myself enduring. Now I believe that Allah does not burden a soul more than it can bear.

But I still find this miserable feeling disturbing. I wish this ends soon. I can't even fathom it's actually happening. It's preventable, yet it happens.


Wednesday, June 7, 2017

One Hundred Sixty Four

I think people only enjoy juicy stuff lah. But as we age (or grow *cough* more maturely) we seem to be hesitant to share these kinda stuff publicly (or rather dah tak ada anything juicy pun that's happening in our lives LOL).

Dulu I'd share every conversation I found interesting, be it with my students, nephews, friends and especially Syafiq. Now I feel somehow embarrassed to be sharing them though the urge is there. People might think nothing really interesting takes place in this person's life. Or they might also think well she now knows how to keep things to herself hahah!

Regardless of what people might think, I'd stay true to myself. Only better. I mean, even if I'm no longer here in this world, this blog (as long as blogger still exists) remains and people may still read it. So I better be leaving a super good impression to the readers and they would pray that my dead body wouldn't be decomposed that quickly.

Oh and there's also this tendency to use hashtag here. Urgh all thanks to twitter and instagram.
 

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

One Hundred Sixty Three

I am in the midst of self-branding for business purposes. This has required me to do a lot of writing which resulted in me abandoning my beloved blog here.

Brand proposition is more difficult that I imagined it would be. I thought it was as simple as making something popular. But you don't want to be popular for the wrong reason. So you have to be careful with every posting (especially when you're doing it via social media), every words used and even every comment made!

But somehow I like the idea. I was pretty hesitant at first (read: it took me 7 years to finally agree to this) but then I get to draw a separate line between my private life and my professional life. I still get to be myself among the people who have known me for so long and people whom I just knew for work purposes.

I still have this naughty, outspoken and gedik side in me. I can't totally abandon this. But I too, don't wish that people in my business network to know that side of me.

Maybe I'm just being complicated. Maybe it's good, too.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

One Hundred Sixty Two

Someone said my blog posts now are not as interesting as they used to be. Maybe because I am not as open as before. I pick and choose the things I wish to share publicly now. That's because I've grown out of my emo-teenage-years phase LOL.

Anyway I'm sharing with you on a feeling I shouldn't be having. It's a mixture of jealousy and guilt. Simply put, I am actually having this guilt trip for feeling jealous over something I shouldn't be!

And this feeling sucks. It just tears relationships away and keep us away from each other.

Husband repeatedly reminded me in his calmest way that I should be grateful with what I have in hand instead of being overwhelmed with something isn't necessary at all. He reminds me that Allah's blessing works in the most miraculous way that everybody lives a different path. I am frankly touched by all this positivity from him I cried out loud on his shoulder.

Anyhow we just watched Fast 8 just now and we suddenly came up with this crazy plan to go to Cuba for our next trip. Despite the fact it's gonna cost us years of savings, I'm sure it's going to rock. I mean, I've been meaning to go to that part of the world for so long. Anyone who knows me personally would know I love North/South America! I've been wanting to go to Bahamas, Buenos Aires, Brazil... and how much I love Mexican food. Oh my. This really excites me.

I know I am not supposed to spill the beans but considering I don't have as many readers as before I might as well share this excitement with you. And you know when Ixa says she wants, she's gonna make sure she gets what she aims for. She totally rocks.

Saturday, April 8, 2017

One Hundred Sixty One

Spread your arms and happiness. So you'll see the whole world smiles with you.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

One Hundred Sixty

It's very hard to find a quality time to spend together these days. He has been busy... we both are very busy and even when eating or before sleeping we only managed to chat about important stuff, which mostly are pertaining to work.

I miss going on a date, where we hold hands and being lovey dovey is all we do. The last time we actually did nothing but sat around and stared at the ocean was on new year, which is like 3 months ago.

I miss him dearly though I still wake up next to him on daily basis. Maybe I miss the cheeky part of him. Maybe I just miss being worry-free and just enjoy his companionship because I love being with him.

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

One Hundred Fifty Nine


I have always been the teaching one. Bit of a scribbler too as I remember better when I write. Was never good at listening.

Friday, January 27, 2017

One Hundred Fifty Eight

Lebih separuh bulan pertama tahun ini sudah berlalu. Have I progressed? I'm not sure. But has the team? Definitely.

We're going to run as fast as we could. So we could work on the dreams that were supposed to materialise years ago.

We learnt our lesson, and it's time to speed up.

Sunday, January 1, 2017