Fifty (Atas Rasa Syukur)

Atas Rasa Syukur

(a dedication to the upcoming 25th December)

Hari ini aku bangkit atas rasa syukur

Seperti pagi-pagiku yang lain

Pagi ini saat melihat raut manismu

yang sentiasa mengukir senyuman

walau masih diulit mimpi

Membuat hatiku berbunga

Mekar, mekar dan takkan layu

Tiada lagi ragu di dalam raga

Mengapa perlu aku menidakkan rasa syukur ini

Duhai kekasih hati

Tempat aku mengadu domba

Tempat bermanja dan mengharap redha

Kau bukan pilihan

Kau anugerah Ilahi

Hadirmu di sisi

Mengangkat lagi rasa nikmat kesyukuran

Alhamdulillah; hamdan syakireen

Forty Nine

So many have asked whether I'm nervous. Truth be told, I'm not. Not even a little bit. Terrified is close, hesitant is more like it. A friend of mine used to describe me as being not flexible; unable to quickly adapt to changes. Which is quite true I may say. When I am already too complacent with a situation, chances it would be of time consuming for lifestyle changes. But I'm a sponge. I'll learn along the way. So I thought I had my final period in early November. I'm sorry honey but I thought wrong. This whole preparation and pressure have taken a toll on my hormone.

Forty Eight

When discovering about people not liking us, it's good to think, "I'm not going to change myself because of them." Stay true to yourself.


However, if an immense number of people feel that way towards you, it's good to reflect on our character and deeds for self improvement.


There must be reasons for the dislike. True, what others think of us don't matter, but having good PR benefits us a lot.


And most importantly, we want people to share our happiness, and keep us in their prayers. These are bonuses we couldn't ask for more.

Forty Seven

The single digit countdown begins tomorrow.

I, on the other hand am still feeling disheartened by the broken Blackberry.

Being stressed out is not an option otherwise my face will be put at stake. Time management is vital. I work better with functioning phone though. Sigh.

Pressure's on the cake. People might put an (high) expectation on it. Am already working on it now.

May all be well. May this route that we take is guided by Him, all the way.

Allahumma amin.

Forty Six

It's true when they say you need to read to write. I find pleasure in writing. Sometimes it disturbs me seeing people, well, mostly my students who find it extremely difficult to come up with an interesting piece of writing. How else do we express ourselves, I once wondered.

I still write despite knowing some unwanted readers here. Unbeknownst to you you might have left your footprints here. I still write despite having to succumb to the fact that I would now need to be more reclusive.

Forty Five

So my phone broke again. Nobody gives a damn this time (and a couple times previously).

I may not have been extra careful with my belongings.

I just need my phone fixed. The red light's been blinking since yesterday, through the broken screen I could see messages coming. Sigh.

Some said I should start considering using touch screen phones.

But...........

Forty Four

Forty Three

It's raining these past few days. I had a terrible experience driving to Sri Hartamas yesterday with an extremely blurry vision.

But it felt very pacifying once I reached Ampang. I long for such calmness. And now I'm craving for a hot slice of Classified Chicken.

Dealing with people can be very challenging. Even if they are not your customers. Heh. I'm still trying to understand those who aren't able to make up their minds over some petty matters. Why is it so difficult to come with a conclusive answer when the question is already very objective. At some juncture it really tests my patience.

But that's the interesting part of growing up. You observe, you learn from every tiny bit of the experience.

I'm currently learning a few things:

1. To be happy for other people
2. To not be easily upset over petty matters

Two may seem too little a thing, but let these be a focused concern for the moment.

So here comes November. This November, I'm going to make a history.

:-)

Forty Two

Had a deep conversation on marriage once.

A: Why do you wanna get married?

B: Because it's fitrah to have the desire to.

A: Not because you wanna complete your imaan?

B: That, too. *silence* Being able to get married is a blessing. Being married to the one you love is a bonus.

A: True. *smiles*

Forty One

In Malaysia particularly (mostly because I'm not aware of the situation in the other parts of the world), more often than not policies and laws are made and implemented selectively. This, from my very limited observation (I do put quite a lot of disclaimers, don't I?) are subject to the interest of a certain parties.

 The most recent issue is on the Kalimah Allah where the court of law held that non-muslims are disallowed to use Allah's name. I totally understand their predicament and worries; that is to protect 'Allah' from being misused and abused. But the act of deterrence would only widen the gap between Islam and other religion (or so I presume).

 Man in general and Muslims in particular are created no other than to worship Allah.

وَمَا خَلَقْتُ الْجِنَّ وَالْإِنْسَ إِلَّا لِيَعْبُدُونِ

(Al-Dzariyyat: 56)

 And as Muslims it has become our duty to protect the sacred religion and to do da'wah throughout our life. It's our responsibility to make people understand our religion, to untangle their confusion and to make peace.

 It shouldn't become an issue if tolerance and respect are practised comprehensively. What happens nowadays is it seems that it is okay for Muslims to mock other religions but not the vice versa.

 The decision on Kalimah Allah, to my mind, only pushes away those who intend to understand Islam better. Islam is portrayed to be untouchable and it defeats the whole concept of Islam that's warm and welcoming.

 This punitive decision isn't a great way to educate the ignorants about the holy name of Allah and Islam as a whole. I reckon it would only ignite more rebels and condescending comments would be made immensely, surreptitiously - to the worse.

 We want to clean the air, to clear the misconception they have about Islam. The foundation of Islam is Tauhid. You've get to strengthen the Tauhid rububiyyah and Tauhid uluhiyyah. Then only we deal with Asma wa as-sifat (tauhid that deals with the 99 names of Allah). Faith can't be forced. And, there are many other Allah's name people can make fun of and we won't even notice because some of the Muslims don't even know the rest of the 99 Allah's names.

 We disrespect Allah's right - to miss the fardh prayers, to omit his prohibitions... And when it comes to making people who don't understand Islam, we become furious. Let's educate, let's stop penalising. Let's start mending the Muslims in us by correcting ourselves, so we could set a good example. So people (especially the non believers) would have more respect towards Islam. So we won't be belittled. So people would understand our message through our gestures. So we fulfill the aim of why we're even created in first place.

Salam Aidiladha 1434H.

Forty

 I wrote your name in the sand,
 But the waves washed it away.
Then I wrote it in the sky
And the wind blew it away.
So I wrote it in my heart,
And that's where it will stay.

Thirty Nine

What happened to my interest in writing?

Sigh.

There's a lot to share, a little to write.

Let's play Word Game then. Answer every question with a single word.

What am I currently feeling?

Grateful

My current worry?

Over-spending

Whom do I currently remember?

Fiance


Okay bye.

Thirty Eight

Today I came back home feeling grateful. I've never felt so much love despite being alone in the car. I saw the house was still bright upon opening the gate.

 I could never imagine myself being brought up in a different house, by a different family. This house has showered me lavishly with love & compassion that I was spoilt by choices of the routes I wished to take when growing up. I was given much liberty but with much care.

I couldn't be any better without this, the family and the house.

 The house is old and it has always needed some fixings. This family isn't perfect. There are a lot of things I wished I was taught but I wasn't. But I'm still very much thankful for the opportunity to grow with it.

 I'm who I am because of this house.

 Now it's time for me to repay. I'm not sure how much have I owed, all I know is I wouldn't afford to substitute even my whole life for everything I was given.

 I can't love these two women who are the pillars of this house any better. Who never stop loving me no matter how nasty I can be towards them.

 I'm so cold outside I don't know how to show that I actually care for my moms, but I really do. Everytime I take a glimpse of the future, I spell both of your names.

  I love you Mama. I love you Cik Nah.

Thirty Seven

Browsed through some of my old photos & realised that at the same date yesterday, 4 years ago, I was on stage receiving my scroll.

 If you were my follower from my previous blog, you'd know how it meant a lot to me. I almost had to extend my studies, but managed to complete it on time.

 It was a blissful day, I felt loved and appreciated. Had a hard time smiling all day through for the camera, but enjoyed every second of it.

 Guess I'm going to face a similar 'difficulty' to keep smiling for the camera in less than a couple of months time.

 But first thing first, need to shed some of these stubborn fat.

 Let's!

Thirty Six

If there's a word to describe me, it has got to be 'adamant'.

I'm a self-motivator, I hope to inspire, especially people around me.

Life is like that, it has its ups and downs. It's okay if you're at the bottom today, find your way up. So long you've got your limbs to climb. So long your brains are functioning - there's hope.

Even if you're not strong, it's okay. Because there's Allah - He's our strength.

This journey of ours, isn't always a smooth sailing one. Expect hiccups. Expect winding roads. And when faced with those, never turn around, because that's not an option. Brace them, find a way to maneuver.

It's the survival of the fittest we're talking about.

How fit are you?

Thirty Five

We are not created perfect because there are rooms for improvement.

Those who never learn from their mistakes are the worst of kinds.

Let's strive for betterment, slowly but consistently.

Thirty Four

Excited? A little bit. Scared - hell lot.

 Honestly, I'm really scared. Can't imagine the lifestyle changes, hormones imbalance, commitment, financial-wise, and many other stuff I might perceive as burdens.

 Truth is, they're all for me to experience as part of our life cycle. I'd embark on a whole new scene, with many new characters, different plots and props! It should be interesting.

 That's why it's scary!

 May Allah ease. Allahumma amin.

Thirty Three

The urge of sharing has got to stop. Or shouldn't it?

What's the harm afterall? Disappointment it is.

Thirty Two

It's a learning process.

Getting to know each other and to understand one better is a lifelong affair. Along the way we can't escape making mistakes. Through mistakes that we've rectified, we reconcile... and love even more.

It's not about avoiding misunderstandings, it's about managing them each time they occur.

Thirty One

Kalau tak mampu membuatnya tersenyum, jangalah membuatnya menangis.

Thirty

My philosophy of life mostly revolves around the attainment of happiness. I find happiness vital in living one's life.

This explains what I do for a living now. Explains a lot on how I take on life.

Explains the reason I received one of the most heartfelt birthday wishes at 12 midnight:

"I wish you good health, wealth and happiness. Yes. Happiness. I want you to be happy for the rest of your life. Because that's what you wish for since forever."

Thank you.

And I want you to be part of my happiness. Today and always.

Happy birthday to me.

Twenty Nine

There are so many things we tend to question for we have not understood the human nature in depth. That is why Islam highly promotes moderation or wasatiyyah. It deals a lot with self-control, psychologically and emotionally speaking.

These days, this self-control isn't something quite manageable for many, especially with the interference of the social media. The urge to share every-single-thing overrides the needs to keep something exclusive to oneself.

Let's draw a few instances, which revolves mostly around relationships.

You are getting engaged. Friends have been uploading photos of their sophisticated, wedding-like-engagement-ceremony (read: a few know of my stand on this - I'm very against over-spending and over-sharing). You want to look as chic. You spent thousands on your engagement (money spent could've been saved for the actual nikah or the marriage itself) and brag about the event on social media.

Issues to highlight:

Over-spent ceremony
Oversharing and revealing excessive information

Then you keep on bragging (or what we normally call 'expressing') your vanity and self-love for weeks.

And something happens along the way. And you start spreading your negative vibes, feasting the eyes of your friends with your faulty words to show your rage. Another oversharing moment.

*

Most times I feel like I'm standing on a cliff trying to control myself. To grab people's attention to congratulate or to spill flattering words. You want to be on cloud nine. You want to feel belong.

But then I chose to contain myself. And each time I do, it's beyond satisfactory.

Twenty Eight

Revisiting 25th December.

 I love you blue, I love you green. I love you more than peach ice-cream.
I love you north, south, east and west, you're the one I love the best.
I love you once, I love you twice. I love you more than beans and rice.
I love you banana and apple pie. I love you till the day I die.
I love you salmon, I love you steak. I love you no matter whatever it takes.
I love you as long as I remember. I love it's the 9th 25th December.
I love you day the shiny sun. I love *name that rhymes with sun*. :)


 Yours truly.

25th December 2012



*Looking forward to the upcoming 25th Decembers.

Twenty Seven

"Can we start over?
Can we be strangers again?
Let me introduce myself
We can laugh and talk
and relearn what we already know
and come up with new inside jokes
and create new memories
and give each other a second chance."

21 August 2013, 2225 hours.

Twenty Six

This is the point where I insist on writing regardless having nothing to spill. Let's just do snippets!

1. Tomorrow's Malaysia's 56th Independence Day celebration. Malaysia; though recently is a hot spot for a number of gunshots and many other commotions, is the place where I call home. Had some intention to migrate, but let's KIV that at the moment.

2. Counting down... I have EXACTLY 2 months and 30 days left!

3. I have cakes to be done, by midnight. But this muscle pain is slowing my progress. Speaking of that, what I really need is exercise. I'll pick up my jogging routine. Maybe next month. Or the other month. Or next year. Or god knows when.

Toodles!

Twenty Five

Come whatever may, I will still change me;

For it would be less hurtful;

For it would make you much happier;

So I could make things work,

Or at least I could make them up;

So that the future wouldn't be so punitive;

So the storyline would change,

Our storyline would've changed,

Because I am expecting a fairy tale,

A happily-ever-after kind of ending.

18 April 2010




Can't believe Allah has answered my prayers.

Alhamdulillah.

Twenty Four

Once I used to wish that you'd be the happiest man in the world, even if I wasn't.


Plot twist: Why can't we both be happy together? Being together. Forever.

Twenty Three

Hatiku Selembar Daun

Oleh: Sapardi Djoko Damono

hatiku selembar daun 

melayang jatuh di rumput; 

nanti dulu, biarkan aku sejenak terbaring di sini; 

ada yang masih ingin kupandang, 

yang selama ini senantiasa luput; 

sesaat adalah abadi 

sebelum kausapu tamanmu setiap pagi.

Twenty Two

Saddened by the incident

Envy the beautiful photos

Wonder would I have the magical fingers

Only to realise I express better in writing.

Twenty One

Counting days...




to the next September 11th

"With this celebration of yours

and the wonderful person you are,

I look back at how our love

has grown

and thank God

not only for bringing you into this

world

but for bringing you into mine.

And as I look forward to

sharing

many more happy tomorrows

with you

I wish you a birthday blessed

with every joy,

because I love you."

Cross one's fingers

(11 September 2005)

...

I'm amazed, and very grateful that the feeling is still the same today.

I love you too.

Twenty

16th August

The date I've always dreaded since 2007.

In turning it into something I really look forward to, I wished and in fact had expressed my intention to tie the knot on this date.

Allah knows better.

Now it has become nothing more than unbecoming.

A friend lost his beloved fiance. Can't imagine being put in his shoes, undertaking such trial.

But Allah knows best.

Al-fatihah.

Nineteen

The simplest gesture touches the heart.

Asked a 10-year-old boy to write a note in a Hari Raya card. He included, among others,

"Jangan lupa berjuang dan berdoa untuk saudara kita di Palestin."

Eighteen

Self reminder:

Never make promises when you're happy
Never make decisions when you're angry

Seventeen

Genggam janji ini

Angin sudah beralih arah

Sixteen

Rindu pada sesuatu yang tak pernah kutemu.

Sayang meninggalkan sesuatu yang rutin.

Bergolak rasa hati.

Semarak ingin pergi.

Apa lagi yang menghalangku?

Fifteen

I love sharing and educating. It runs in the blood.





I think some Malaysians, especially Malays are unable to appreciate the importance of RSVP. Ticked as coming, never showed up, never updated the host, a waste of food and space.

If a man thinks, "If I didn't show up, others would." Imagine what happens if 100 men think alike.

This is a case of lack of sense of belonging. And sense of respect.

Be respectful. Ensure the host is informed of your absence beforehand.






I'm in love. Everyday.

Fourteen

1 Ramadhan 1434

Thirteen

It was chaotic. Everyone was talking. No one was listening.

"Nama saya Amir. Cita-cita saya nak jadi askar. Sebab saya nak tegakkan Islam. Nak lawan orang Israel."

Next.

"Nama saya Izzudin. Cita-cita saya nak jadi doktor. Sebab..."

"Sebab apa?"

"Sebab saya nak rawat ayah saya bila ayah saya sakit." He sobbed.

And the chatterbox went into silence.

Twelve

It's my first day fasting today and everyone else's 6th day.

I was expecting a horrible Mourn-day today, with the migraine and gastrisis (is this even a right spelling?) I had undergone last night. It turned out to be okay. Today's very serene and I have not for one second felt hungry.

Tummy did grumble a couple of times in the morning. Probably adjusting to the difference. And I'm now craving for popia basah. And serunding.

And chocolate moist cake.

And red velvet cake.

Yup.



Oh.

And kek batik.

Am going to have them all tomorrow. Yay!

Eleven

Repost from the old Ixarism dated 14072011

 Julai Dua Tahun Lepas...

Pagi ini indahnya lebih daripada biasa. Sang mentari tak lokek berkongsi sinar. Bumi kelihatan begitu sempurna; cantik! Sunny but not too shiny.

Derapan kaki lelaki itu melangkah keluar, seperti hampir tidak berbunyi. Anak-anak masih lagi berselimut. Sang isteri sedang sibuk di dapur. Inilah peluangnya, bisik kata hatinya.

Enjin kereta dihidupkan, lalu ia berlalu pergi. Jelas sekali tiada yang sedar akan pemergiannya. Dia senyum, kelegaan.

Serata pelosok diterokai, mencari sesuatu yang seindah pagi Julai untuk sang isteri. Hatinya bulat dengan keputusan. Tradisi mesti diteruskan. Pencarian mawar merah menjadi misi.

Alhamdulillah, akhirnya sejambak mawar merah berjaya ditemui. Usai ditanya nilainya. Pastinya tidak sehebat cinta kepada isteri tersayang. Merasa puas, si lelaki bersiul-siul memandu mobilnya pulang.

Rumah itu masih sunyi. Tiada sesiapa yang menyambutnya di muka pintu. Bibirnya mengulum senyuman. Semuanya dilakukan dalam senyap. Kakinya membawanya ke dapur, seperti mana hatinya meronta-ronta sama ingin ke sana. Bertemu isteri jelita, menceriakan hari bahagia.

Bukan kepalang sang isteri kekagetan, menerima hadiah indah si suami. Mawar merah; lambang cinta sejati. Sebutir kucupan yang hinggap di pipi si pemberi sangat beerti, lebih bermakna daripada ungkapan terima kasih.

For a love story like this, a simple morning can mean everything on the anniversary.

Julai Tahun Ini...


Hari ini masih lagi indah, seperti Julai-Julai yang pernah kunjung tiba.

Kereta itu berdeseup pergi. Meninggalkan rumah, melaksanakan misi Julai. Sedikit berbeda suasana tahun ini. Masih indah, namun sedikit suram.

Kaki isteri membuka langkah keluar dari kereta. Tidak sabar bertemu si suami. Perasaannya bergelora, bercampur-baur.

Lantas dia duduk di situ, di pusara suami, disinari cahaya mentari. Bibir tidak putus-putus berdoa, cuba menahan sebak menunjukkan kekuatan diri. Dalam hati tak tertanggung rindu, tuhan sahaja yang tahu.

Selesai menghadiahkan doa, dihiasnya indah pusara itu dengan bunga-bunga mekar mewangi.

Dan yang pasti mawar itu masih ada, kerana ia signifikasi cinta mereka. Cuma kini, status pemberi sudah bertukar ganti.

* * * * *

To mama, I wish you a very wonderful birthday, dengan doa agar mama sihat dan sejahtera selalu, gembira bersama kami semua. I love you, mama.

And to you, ayah, this anniversary definitely still subsists, and will always do, though you're not physically around. Because we know, you're always here for mama, and for all of us. I love you, ayah.




.

Ten

I keep having nightmares these few nights. Missed the sound of the alarm of which something that's very unlikely to happen previously.

Probably it's the pressure. Or because I think too much.

Either way, this has got to stop.

Nine

This weekend's crazy. No no. The days approaching it, are. I accept so many orders I'm not sure I'd be able to finish or not.

 This sure gives a lot of pressure. But it's still better than reading law.

 Now, how do I tell if I'm joking without a 'hehehe' at the end of the above sentence?

 Of course you know I was just pulling your legs, don't you?

Eight

So there's these few types of people I discover on Twitter.

 The Vain (and sometimes Ignorant)

 They couldn't be bothered about anything but their well-being. What's for breakfast, what to wear. Couldn't even care less about the recent election. This I find rather annoying. It's okay if you aren't interested with what's going on in your country, but just don't brag about your uninterested-ness, can you?

 The Opinionated (and most of the times Angry)

 These are the ones who are always mad at the above tweeps. They can't handle other people's vanity. They love indulging in 'intelligent' discussion as it's a better way to utilise the social media. Some of them couldn't handle others' perception and can't appreciate differences of ideas, hence the quarrel. These group of people are also very confident and they look highly on themselves.

 The Informed

 They're normally the first to relay news and information. Some of them can come up with statistics. I personally like this group of people. But we have to double check the authenticity and the truth of every fact before retweeting.

 These are merely my personal observation. It may not describe you should you fall under any of the above category.

Seven

This feeling that I've got right now, is really uncalled-for. I'm a firm believer and practitioner of channeling my thought to the right place. How to transfer rage into productivity, sadness into beautiful piece of writing, happiness into events and the list goes on.

What I'm having right now is hatred; infused with grudges.

I wonder why can't I forgive.

All I need now is a blade. I've got head to shave. And tires to ruin.

Then I'd wonder, would the animosity fade away...

Six

Abandonment is a topic I've tried to digest since my younger days. It made no difference if you were an orphan or not back then. I couldn't comprehend this feeling.

I have always been the centre of attention (and probably still am?). Am the only girl in the family and everything I do has always been wholly supported by everyone; family, neighbours, good friends. There were instances where I felt left out when some friends purposely didn't ask me to hang around together, but to hell with that, I'd still have other sets of friends.

Until recently, though this isn't a personal encounter, I started to understand people better. Getting engaged with the society actually brings some good to me.

I am a volunteer at an NGO and the experience is really an eye-opener. An old woman who hadn't any money to pay her house rent asking us to write a letter to her landlord begging for postponement. An old lad looking for his missing son only to find out he's in jail for remand. Refugees who escaped the cruelty from their own country only to be mistreated by the authority here, being separated from their wife and kids.

 I could shed tears only by listing some examples. How could we be so inhumane? Or is this ain't something new only because I recently discovered about it?

 The most recent, and closer instance would be on this family I personally know. Wife died of cancer a couple of years back, left with a pair of kids aged 5 and 2. Since the death of the mother/wife, father never really looked after the children. All stayed at grandma's house (the deceased wife's parents). He couldn't be bothered about the wellbeing of his kids. Sometimes even forgot to buy milk for the 2-year-old daughter. Never took some time to be spent together with the kids. Now intended to remarry, in fact in a few weeks time.

 Father expressed his intention to his family-in-law, and to leave the kids with them! Grandparents are not in a good health to look after the two kids forever. I was so cross upon being made known of this. I keep wondering how would the children be brought up later? How much respect would they have towards the father? Would they not feel isolated or inferior when their other friends brag about mothers, vacations, new toys etc? Who's going to bring them up in the later years of their life?

 He neglects his responsibility even when the kids are raised (though not by him) right before his eyes. I don't dare imagine what's going to happen when he remarries and moves out to live with his new family. I pity those poor kids.

 I lost my father at 21. I still feel very inferior to date. People talking about fathers on father's day, fathers fetching their kids from work, seeing friends' dads solemnising their marriage. I am jealous, and very discouraged. But do I show this to others? Never.

 I'm always seen as the energetic one. Cheerful, strong and confident. Whoever knows what's deep inside my heart?

 That is me. This girl who has turned a woman many years back. Now, divert the attention to the two siblings I was talking about earlier.

 I totally dig the meaning of abandonment now. Nobody wants them, sincerely want them. The fact that they're still young to realise this, saddens me more. What's going to happen when they understand and find out about this later? Would they rebel? Would they turn out being good people?

Ibn Majah narrated the authority of Abu Huraira that the Prophet s.a.w. said,

"The best Muslim house is a house in which an orphan is well treated; and the worst Muslim house is a house in which an orphan is badly treated."

 What do I do to help? What do you do?

Five

Twitter and Instagram.

Both are taking over.

Repercussions are we tend to blog less and we've lost the soul in writing with flair.

Serenity is here. Something I don't find in the abovenamed social medias.

Four

"I have finally summoned my courage to sit down and talk to him. Now all that's left is the coward side of me to face you my entire life."

I tell you what, the feeling's mutual.

But I find a little fun in this new world we are about to embark; the fact that nothing is ever planned. 

I'm imagining something like backpacking. Fun.

Three

When I was very much younger I had always this voice in my head telling me to slow down and take a look at the greenery around me as later I wouldn't have the luxury to do so in my life.

Every time I came across a small hill or baby bushes in my neighbourhood I would wonder, "What would this piece of land look like in the next few years time?"

And my concerns were all proven to be true today.

Development has taken its toll on nature.

I miss feasting my eyes with picturesque scenery and enjoying the smell of the fresh, natural air coming from grasses in the morning.

I miss the quiet morning in my neighbourhood.

Two

It has never been my intention to remain anonymous for this so-called reincarnation of mine.

I only decide to go off differently this time.

One

Let's just put it this way: I'm starting afresh.

Life is going on exceedingly well, the one that's not is me.

I'll catch up, quicker than you might notice later.

On the other side of the coin, I'm re-welcoming myself here.