Friday, June 21, 2013


Abandonment is a topic I've tried to digest since my younger days. It made no difference if you were an orphan or not back then. I couldn't comprehend this feeling.

I have always been the centre of attention (and probably still am?). Am the only girl in the family and everything I do has always been wholly supported by everyone; family, neighbours, good friends. There were instances where I felt left out when some friends purposely didn't ask me to hang around together, but to hell with that, I'd still have other sets of friends.

Until recently, though this isn't a personal encounter, I started to understand people better. Getting engaged with the society actually brings some good to me.

I am a volunteer at an NGO and the experience is really an eye-opener. An old woman who hadn't any money to pay her house rent asking us to write a letter to her landlord begging for postponement. An old lad looking for his missing son only to find out he's in jail for remand. Refugees who escaped the cruelty from their own country only to be mistreated by the authority here, being separated from their wife and kids.

 I could shed tears only by listing some examples. How could we be so inhumane? Or is this ain't something new only because I recently discovered about it?

 The most recent, and closer instance would be on this family I personally know. Wife died of cancer a couple of years back, left with a pair of kids aged 5 and 2. Since the death of the mother/wife, father never really looked after the children. All stayed at grandma's house (the deceased wife's parents). He couldn't be bothered about the wellbeing of his kids. Sometimes even forgot to buy milk for the 2-year-old daughter. Never took some time to be spent together with the kids. Now intended to remarry, in fact in a few weeks time.

 Father expressed his intention to his family-in-law, and to leave the kids with them! Grandparents are not in a good health to look after the two kids forever. I was so cross upon being made known of this. I keep wondering how would the children be brought up later? How much respect would they have towards the father? Would they not feel isolated or inferior when their other friends brag about mothers, vacations, new toys etc? Who's going to bring them up in the later years of their life?

 He neglects his responsibility even when the kids are raised (though not by him) right before his eyes. I don't dare imagine what's going to happen when he remarries and moves out to live with his new family. I pity those poor kids.

 I lost my father at 21. I still feel very inferior to date. People talking about fathers on father's day, fathers fetching their kids from work, seeing friends' dads solemnising their marriage. I am jealous, and very discouraged. But do I show this to others? Never.

 I'm always seen as the energetic one. Cheerful, strong and confident. Whoever knows what's deep inside my heart?

 That is me. This girl who has turned a woman many years back. Now, divert the attention to the two siblings I was talking about earlier.

 I totally dig the meaning of abandonment now. Nobody wants them, sincerely want them. The fact that they're still young to realise this, saddens me more. What's going to happen when they understand and find out about this later? Would they rebel? Would they turn out being good people?

Ibn Majah narrated the authority of Abu Huraira that the Prophet s.a.w. said,

"The best Muslim house is a house in which an orphan is well treated; and the worst Muslim house is a house in which an orphan is badly treated."

 What do I do to help? What do you do?

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