One Hundred Sixy Six

I felt a sudden emptiness when he walked out of the door yesterday. Can't believe this fortnight he spent in nenek's house would leave me feeling sore upon its end.

He literally tagged along wherever I went these past couple of weeks. And at night he'd ask me to sleep downstairs with him because he said, "But I like having you around."

Even when he didn't have any class in Prima, he'd still want to follow me. "Please please please," he begged. I couldn't afford declining this. He would hover around until I finished teaching.

He's so likable he received so many presents on his birthday last week. His presence is a pleasure despite his challenging and annoying questions. He's a little explorer who's so curious about everything around him. He's kind, obedient but also has his own temper sometimes.

A day before yesterday, Cik Nah said, "Next week rumah mesti sunyi," and I couldn't agree more. Today's the first day the house had an iftar this year without you, Hayl Arsyad.

You always have a special place in everyone's heart. I literally cried out loud driving back home yesterday knowing that you won't be there anymore.

See you next week.

One Hundred Sixty Five

I am not in my best days now. There are several personal issues I'm encountering that would affect my work performance as well.

I can be so demotivated when challenges hit me like this. I would curl in bed for hours doing entirely nothing. That's how bad I can be.

So I kinda reflect on my actions and feelings and I came across news on a lady being gang raped and her child being thrown away to the side of the road on the aftermath (he was found dead later), then I also came across stories on wives being beaten mercilessly by husbands, on parents who lost their children. I even visited my distant relative who's vegetable now and is taken care by her children...

All these made me realise how petty my challenges are. Comparatively, theirs mentioned above are beyond anything I could imagine myself enduring. Now I believe that Allah does not burden a soul more than it can bear.

But I still find this miserable feeling disturbing. I wish this ends soon. I can't even fathom it's actually happening. It's preventable, yet it happens.

One Hundred Sixty Four

I think people only enjoy juicy stuff lah. But as we age (or grow *cough* more maturely) we seem to be hesitant to share these kinda stuff publicly (or rather dah tak ada anything juicy pun that's happening in our lives LOL).

Dulu I'd share every conversation I found interesting, be it with my students, nephews, friends and especially Syafiq. Now I feel somehow embarrassed to be sharing them though the urge is there. People might think nothing really interesting takes place in this person's life. Or they might also think well she now knows how to keep things to herself hahah!

Regardless of what people might think, I'd stay true to myself. Only better. I mean, even if I'm no longer here in this world, this blog (as long as blogger still exists) remains and people may still read it. So I better be leaving a super good impression to the readers and they would pray that my dead body wouldn't be decomposed that quickly.

Oh and there's also this tendency to use hashtag here. Urgh all thanks to twitter and instagram.