Seventy Three

I was having lunch in the kitchen when I heard Cik Nah talking about something from the front.

Something about a TV program.

A cartoon.

Ninja.

Ninja purple.

Wait. What?

"Ninja purple," she gingerly repeated while putting the muffins into the oven.

Seventy Two

"So after knowing me so intimately after a year plus now, what do you think my hobby is?" asked moi curiously.

I honestly have no idea what my hobbies are.

"Hmm... Jaja suka tolong orang."

Well, that would do. And I slept soundly with such answer.

Seventy One

Seventy

Nightmares, among others, are reasons I refuse watching, or reading sad ending stories. I think life can be pretty atrocious most times I don't need to spend my supposedly leisure time dwelling in another bad experience.

O Allah. Keep my family safe.

Sixty Nine

I was craving for a bowl of cereal for breakfast at 1ish last night. Hadn't had any cereal for weeks. Husband was out with some friends. Immediately as the thought of cereal crossed my my mind I phoned him asking him to buy some for breakfast. He didn't have to buy the large packs, suffice that he get the small one so I could end my craving.

The next morning (read: now) as I searched through the kitchen, I found a box of Honey Stars, large one, enough for 10. I smiled, so thoughtful of him. Then I looked for the milk. I saw he bought 2 huge boxes of milk, one mocha and one full cream... This was beyond expectation.

Only that why did he have to put them in the freezer?!

Sixty Eight

I was wondering if being blind gives one the much needed peace, so I bathed with both eyes closed.

Kau ibarat bersatu dengan kedamaian bila kau tak semena-mena tersenyum dan alpa tentang kegelapan di sekeliling. Tiada rasa gusar dan tiada sedikit pun rasa takut.

And then I opened my eyes to reach for the facial foam. I suddenly missed the ultimate serenity that once overwhelmed me.

Sixty Seven

It's true you would appreciate the little things that irk you the most when they're gone.

Syafiq's out of town for work. We only got to contact each other at night when he was in hotel room with Wifi. Last night he told me it was his first time missing my nagging. On my defense I don't nag! No no. I only get mad and throw tantrum and that's it! Hehe.

And I am missing him a lot too. Normally at times like this I'd be exhausted and all I need is a brief phone conversation with him.

The best thing to do when you are longing for someone is to pray for him from afar.

Isn't this a wonderful feeling?

Sixty Six

Salam lebaran yang dah nak tiba ke penghujungnya dah pun.

Banyak sungguh yang bermain di fikiran, yang perlu diturunkan ke dalam buku catatan supaya tak lupa dan bila dah tercatat nanti barulah kita rasa, "Oh, taklah banyak sangat sebenarnya kerja aku."

Punca segala kerja yang menimbun ialah cita-cita. Cita-cita merogol masa kualiti bersama yang tersayang. Dan membuatkan aku tersepit; cita-cita dunia dah jelas, cita-cita nak membawa ke akhirat macam mana?

Makin dirasa banyaknya kerja, makin tak cukup masa. Mengingatkan diri pada kisah Rasulullah s.a.w. yang agung, yang mana sangatlah berkat masa dalam kehidupan sehariannya.

Ah, "keberkatan masa" itulah yang aku cari sebenarnya.

Rasulullah s.a.w. solat subuh di masjid, dan ada pagi yang baginda pergi menyuapkan seorang Yahudi buta sarapan. Baginda, sebagai seorang ketua negara, mempunyai masa bergurau senda dengan isteri(-isteri)nya, membuat amal jariah, dan bangun malam bertahajjud! Menakjubkan lagi, surah-surah yang dibaca dalam solat-solat malamnya bukanlah ayat-ayat lazim yang pendek-pendek, tetapi surah-surah yang panjang seperti Al-Baqarah. Jadi, bayangkanlah berapa lama masa diambil untuk qiammullail baginda?

Kita ni sentiasa tak cukup masa. Sampai tertinggal solat. Terlupa makan. Terlupa telefon orang yang tersayang. Tak sempat masak. Tak dapat pergi majlis walimah rakan-rakan. Ke mana hilangnya keberkatan masa itu?

Seringkali kita tekankan tentang keberkatan harta sehingga terlupa babak keberkatan masa.

Cepat sungguh badan terasa letih, walhal baru memandu dari Keramat ke Balakong di tengah hari terik. Keberkatan kesihatan juga ke mana hilangnya?

Banyak yang perlu dimuhasabah nampaknya. Agaknya, selagi tiada penambah baikan diri, selagi itu Allah tak kurniakan kejayaan.

Betulkan niat dan teruskan usaha, Izzah.

Oh, dan jangan lupa jogging.

Sixty Five

Selagi belum kering keringat yang menitis itu, jangan pernah mengaku kalah.


This isn't your fight alone. This isn't the end of the road.


Even if you're pushed to the walls, remember that; there are world beyond those walls we've yet to discover. Let them push, let you bleed.


Because deep inside I believe happiness awaits.

Sixty Four

I wish to literally swim in the hearts of those war criminals to personally understand how they feel committing genocide.

I don't even have a heart to kill a flying mosquito.

Sixty Three

This guy who invented the cotton bud deserved a nobel prize for his contribution to mankind.

Sixty Two

The husband asked his little brother if he was lucky to marry her.

"Yes."

"Really? Wow, why?"

"Because I like her cooking... and you should too!"

For a rookie like her, she was over the moon.

Sixty One

and after weeks of waiting,

here comes the rain...

Alhamdulillah.

Sixty

Driving alone last night, considering what is there not to be grateful for.

I find nothing.

Alhamdulillah for the nikmah of time to spend with the loved ones.

Alhamdulillah for the ability to drive back and forth to where I belong.

Alhamdulillah for the incoming rezeki.

Alhamdulillah for being able to breathe and contribute today.

Alhamdulillah for the challenges and tests that make me a tougher slave.

Fifty Nine

Looking back at who I was previously is an absolute shame. Young, negative and outspoken fat girl who was always searching for somethiblng to do in life. Who never stopped ranting and at times complained of boredom.

All were expressed in the old version of Ixarism (well I sure hope the new one here is very much better).

I remember once I talked about being bored lazing around at home and this one anonymous left a comment which read (more or less it sounded like this:)

"Isn't boredom a creation of oneself?"

I was offended. Shocked. And later decided to agree with such statement (or question). And ever since then I would always keep myself occupied. Busing myself with stuff and shut my mouth each time I feel like telling people I was bored. All because I CAN do something; grab a book and read, play sudoku on an old newspaper, dobsome ironing, cook, tweet, read more.

Moreover today with the presence of these smart phone thingy we tend occupy our time better so much so that at some instances we ignore what's going on around us, like literally around us.

This entry is just to tell you:

1. I am not easily bored anymore.

2. People who complain of boring kinda irk me.


Heheheheheheh.

Fifty Eight

It was Rejab 1st yesterday and May 2nd today. Both dates are significant to me, especially since last year.

Rejab 1st fell on May 10th last year, making May 2nd came earlier.

I was on my weekly duty in Masjid Jamek, and some where during the lunch hour, I received a pleasant phone call, asking on my well-being, and we had a small talk. Towards the end of the conversation, the caller's question had really made me utterly dumbfounded. He was asking was it okay if he came by so we could buy a golden ring. I was astounded, but as I was scared of losing him another time, I agreed immediately.

So he dropped by at the office. Luckily the superiors had an urgent meeting, allowing me to sneak out earlier to go out with him. We sat down at the lobby for a moment, asking ourselves whether it was the right thing to do. Giggling. And there was a silence. And we giggled again. And decided to just go for it.

So we wandered around Masjid Jamek looking for a plain golden ring. We were totally clueless. That was the day when I learnt about Emas 999 and Emas 916. I learnt that there are sizes for rings to fit into fingers, and I got to know my ring size that day.

We went separate ways and he brought the ring home, and asked me to let my family know that his family was coming the next week. It happened in a jiffy! I was still trying to swallow the fact that it was really happening to me.

Moments before maghrib prayers at home, I went into mama's room, and asked whether my eldest brother would be at home the next Friday. She initially couldn't be bothered to answer my question (she was watching some Malay drama on TV3), until she saw me standing nervously, trembling... trying to relay the next information to her.

Immediately after I broke the news to her, she jumped out of her bed and hugged me joyously. It was another sweet surprise to see her reaction. Green light was on, I thought to myself.

Came Friday, at exact 8.00 p.m., two cars entered the compound. I ran upstairs. And this was where everything began. I couldn't be any more grateful for the opportunity to bridge these two different families together. It was a moment I really treasure.

Isn't it amazing how love between two individuals could bring so many people together?

Though it may no longer be valid, with every intention I wish to say Happy 1st Engagement Anniversary. Because one can only be engaged once, Insya Allah.

May and Rejab have got to be my new favourite months.

Fifty Seven

A friend was looking for a lawyer yesterday. So I asked another friend who has now established his own firm if he could take the job. His response was full of cynicism but obviously I know he was merely joking.

He was saying how I kept a distance from our friends since being married. And I was just laughing to his statement and asked if he still wanted to take my offer. He purposely changed the topic by saying how I only texted on business related matter until I had to ask once more if he still wanted the job.

"I nak bagi job pun you marah..."

"I value friendship more than business."

His answer was a big slap on my face.

I should keep in touch with my friends more often.

Fifty Six

Never let others drain your energy and drag you down to their level.

Fifty Five

From Koh Lipe with love

Fifty Four

It has never crossed my mind as to what makes this man so special that he deserves a special place in my heart, and now becomes the most important person in my life.

It was during the wedding reception when Tunna, the MC who was also a dear friend of mine bombarded me with such question. Being me, I always came prepared ESPECIALLY on my big day. But that didn't happen that time. I was dumbfounded, I took a nervous pause for a few seconds (read: I was usually very very very confident) to answer.

"Well, I don't know. Because he makes me feel different. He makes me feel... so special."

And we both finally realised, no matter how irritating we are to one another, there is a special, undefined feeling that lingers between us. And we quietly hope that this amazing attachment of ours lasts forever.

Thirty Three

Chasing the far-fetched dreams.

But they say no one is too small to dream, and no dream is too big for anyone.

I can do this.

Fifty Two

Dude A: I have the biggest problem in the world; my girl just ditched me for my boss!

Dude B: Dude, that's not even a problem. Mine's very much worse. My wife got pregnant, and guess what, I was told I wasn't the father! What the-

Dude C: My back's itchy and I can't reach my hands to scratch it.

A sudden silence follows.

Fifty One

I never had a passed-down shirt simply because I am the only girl in the family. Well I did get a number of scarves from mommy and Cik Nah or a couple (or more) baju kurungs from them. But that was more like me taking them surreptitiously and later claimed as "Pinjam, please!" so everyone would laugh in joy.

Until December last year that I got myself some passed-down tshirts. Reason being is husband has now put on weight and he couldn't fit in those shirts anymore. It feels like getting another big brother again.