One Hundred Eighty Four

So I am contesting for a poem recital competition this weekend. Hahahaha recalling my good ol' days in high school.

So I went looking for ayah's poem compilation, which was supposed to be in this one box upstairs. But I didn't manage to find it. I, however, discovered mom and dad's old birthday cards, years before I was born. Most cards were sent by mom to dad, since their engagement days to the days when she had to left dad and abanglong for London.

As compared to dad, mom doesn't really show her affection to us (dad and us). Sometimes I wonder if she loved us (of course she does, look at all the comfort the provided us with). Hence I was so surprised looking at the giant cards she used to send to ayah. I almost shed a tear reading every love message sent, but then Cik Nah came to me to help find the poem compilation.

I am still deeply affected by my discovery just now. It is really heart breaking imagining mom packing the cards, and putting them at one place. Her memories with ayah must've hurt her so much. Now I can't imagine a life without my husband. How am I going to live a minute without him by my side. Having said this, I now honestly understood how strong mama is maneuvering her present days without her lover.

We miss you, ayah. But we never miss praying for you. Al-fatihah.

p/s: I still haven't found the poem to contest. Huwaaa.

One Hundred Eighty Three

I am supposed to be finishing my book writing today. But oh well, I got distracted (as usual).

At the moment, I am still contemplating on whether or not I should blog as my professional persona so it can benefit my followers and fans (HAHAHAHA I know right). But then it is really hard to hold yourself and hide the nasty part of you when writing. I mean, I am so comfortably being myself as I write because this is how I express myself the best.

Anyhow I still, should proceed, IMO. It's a sensible option for self branding purposes. Let's just figure that out later.

Oh have I also mentioned I would've blogged more frequently if I can do it via phone? Or if my laptop doesn't require to be plugged on to use? I mean, I think a lot and would love having my thoughts transferred into writing but unfortunately I do not have the means to. And when I am available to write, I don't have the mood anymore.

My goodness I am being so complicated about writing alone.