One Hundred Ninety Eight

 I was on Wanita Hari Ini TV3 with Cik Nah for their Mother's Day Special yesterday. Prior to that, the crew requested some photos of ours together so I had mummy gone through the photo albums for this.

Looking back at those photos, I realised how precious it is to have little pieces of time preserved. Moments that once felt ordinary — a car ride, a birthday cake, a random afternoon — suddenly become priceless when years have quietly passed.

I realised that these days, our photos mostly live in our phone galleries, and somehow, they get lost in the busyness of life. And it is somehow not cool to upload 100 photos from our recent trip or event on social media when your goal was to merely seal your memories there; so that it's easier to look back. 

Perhaps I need to make better use of this blog for documentation purposes. 

So, last month Syafiq, mummy and I went for umrah. Syafiq was really anxious about us stopping at Abu Dhabi due to the recent Iran-US war. But Alhamdulillah nothing happened and he found his peace in haramain. Unlike last year's umrah trip where we stopped in Madinah first, this year I decided that we went to Mekah first — and that turned out to be a brilliant idea. The moment I step foot outside Mekah, fever hit me (I anticipated this). So most of my time in Madinah was spent lying down in bed if not at the mosque. OK OK shopping needs a special mention too, I know, but I had no nafsu for shopping much due to my weak condition.

Before flying back home, we had another stopover... that was in Istanbul. Masya Allah Masya Allah Istanbul was magical! I've never fallen in love in a city before (I lied, I have) but Istanbul is a different kind of love. It's the kind of love that makes you look through the flight tickets once more to return to the city. It was such a beauty!

I may not be able to articulate my love for the city (partly because I have already poured my heart on Facebook) (screw you social media!), but our couple of days in the historical city did leave my heart a little fuller, softer, and strangely homesick for a place that was never home to begin with.

Now for the first time in the longest time, let me spam some photos of our recent trip.

***

OK shoot. I've tried to upload the photos for the past hour but kept failing. Will try again tomorrow (if I ingat lar).

One Hundred Ninety Seven

Ramadhan Mubarak!

It's Day-15 of fasting! When it is not fasting month, I dread fasting. But when it's Ramadan, I love it. I love fasting. I love not having to think of lunch. To burden my mind with questions like "What to eat today?" or to have my tummy hurt out of nowhere thinking it hasn't had its meal yet.

Fasting gives me peace. A peace of mind. It allows me to focus on other things. Because thinking about food is time consuming. Preparing food is even more consuming.

I remember fasting when I took my SPM and during the exam period at uni. Since I'm not one who does suhoor (well I would wake up to take a sip of water and continue sleeping), waking up that early has never been a problem for me either.  Fasting lets me zoom in on other things. So, yeah, it's cool!

I've also been committing myself to Tadarus with the ladies of Primaly. One Day One Juz. But yesterday at Day 14, we've completed 16 Juz already. Alhamdulillah. Hopefully we'll be able to khatam much early this year.

Anyhow, 15 days more before raya. We've got this!

One Hundred Ninety Six

Hey, do you know what day is today?

It's the best day of the year. It's my birthday!

Happy birthday, dear self.

May you find a way out to your self-created problems (LOL) and may Allah s.w.t. provide ease and strength in your quest to success through your businesses. Amin, insya Allah.

One Hundred Ninety Five

 I haven't been feeling very calm lately.

Maybe it's the time of the month. Maybe it has to do with the recent happenings.

I feel so much hatred in me I've been asking from Allah to grant me patience and redha. I think the worst kind of battle is battling with our own self and desire.

I've been managing my anger and hatred from the inside I'm not sure if they can be handled anymore. I'm really bad at coverups. I'm not good at pretending. 

Ya Allah,

Provide me strength and patience. Make this test something I can bear.

Amin.

One Hundred Ninety Four

 I don't know why invitations stress me out. Let's analyse.

One, because I'm a people pleaser and I feel bad turning others down.

Second, because I feel sorry if I don't fulfill their invites.

Come to think of it... why would I disappoint them? I may... but I am not that important to begin with. Also, I think people recover quickly. And they'll most likely find replacements in no time.

And I have to prioritise myself too! Sometimes I feel obliged accepting invites to the expense of my own happiness - I mean, I need time for myself and do whatever I've long planned to do. Or I simply feel the event does not benefit me in any way.

Yup, I guess now I know why. Thanks for analysing this with me.

One Hundred Nine Three

 My husband is so annoying I always feel the need of having some space when he's around.

Now that he's away I am missing him so much.

Urgh the irony.

One Hundred Ninety Two

 Is this blog entirely anonymous? 

Would people have to go in depth to identify my real identity? Or do I give away pretty easily?

I'm not sure and I'm also not sure if I care.

It's Deepavali today. Took the kids to my home last night so they could have an early morning swim today. Went back to my mom's in the afternoon with them. I'm now bored af but I have tonnes to do.

Where do I even begin?

First, my manuscript for a publisher that was due last week! Writing is a piece of cake but to start writing is so difficult!

Second, a module for a public university that's due in two weeks time. Notes, exercises and videos to make. I told Syafiq I need a couple of days on quarantine to finish this. He sounded interested to help out. We'll see how.

And many other stuffs relating to product and marketing with my business. We're aiming big. We just hired a consultant and all seems fine so far. I've got more people on the bus to help out. Because I think the idea of doing these stuffs on my own isn't prudent nor feasible anymore. Too much on my plate (or talam, as per Amal). Delegation seems to be the wisest thing to do now.

We're aiming for a million dollar revenue next. I know other people have reached this long ago. My learning curve may be way lagged behind. But I'm working hard towards that.

Insya Allah. If Allah wills it.