Hey, do you know what day is today?
It's the best day of the year. It's my birthday!
Happy birthday, dear self.
May you find a way out to your self-created problems (LOL) and may Allah s.w.t. provide ease and strength in your quest to success through your businesses. Amin, insya Allah.
I haven't been feeling very calm lately.
Maybe it's the time of the month. Maybe it has to do with the recent happenings.
I feel so much hatred in me I've been asking from Allah to grant me patience and redha. I think the worst kind of battle is battling with our own self and desire.
I've been managing my anger and hatred from the inside I'm not sure if they can be handled anymore. I'm really bad at coverups. I'm not good at pretending.
Ya Allah,
Provide me strength and patience. Make this test something I can bear.
Amin.
I don't know why invitations stress me out. Let's analyse.
One, because I'm a people pleaser and I feel bad turning others down.
Second, because I feel sorry if I don't fulfill their invites.
Come to think of it... why would I disappoint them? I may... but I am not that important to begin with. Also, I think people recover quickly. And they'll most likely find replacements in no time.
And I have to prioritise myself too! Sometimes I feel obliged accepting invites to the expense of my own happiness - I mean, I need time for myself and do whatever I've long planned to do. Or I simply feel the event does not benefit me in any way.
Yup, I guess now I know why. Thanks for analysing this with me.
My husband is so annoying I always feel the need of having some space when he's around.
Now that he's away I am missing him so much.
Urgh the irony.
Is this blog entirely anonymous?
Would people have to go in depth to identify my real identity? Or do I give away pretty easily?
I'm not sure and I'm also not sure if I care.
It's Deepavali today. Took the kids to my home last night so they could have an early morning swim today. Went back to my mom's in the afternoon with them. I'm now bored af but I have tonnes to do.
Where do I even begin?
First, my manuscript for a publisher that was due last week! Writing is a piece of cake but to start writing is so difficult!
Second, a module for a public university that's due in two weeks time. Notes, exercises and videos to make. I told Syafiq I need a couple of days on quarantine to finish this. He sounded interested to help out. We'll see how.
And many other stuffs relating to product and marketing with my business. We're aiming big. We just hired a consultant and all seems fine so far. I've got more people on the bus to help out. Because I think the idea of doing these stuffs on my own isn't prudent nor feasible anymore. Too much on my plate (or talam, as per Amal). Delegation seems to be the wisest thing to do now.
We're aiming for a million dollar revenue next. I know other people have reached this long ago. My learning curve may be way lagged behind. But I'm working hard towards that.
Insya Allah. If Allah wills it.
I think I have hand-eye coordination problem.
Never did I realise this until recently - especially after I was exposed to problems facing people with spectrum. Here are some instances showing exactly my coordination problem.
1. Mum sent me to music class as early as 9. My first few classes were the hardest. I had a hard time synchronising my right hand for the melody, my left hand for the chord and my left foot for the pedal. It came with practice, but it was definitely not something which came naturally easy to me.
2. My driving test was among the worst yet memorable experience I had in life. I took the test 3 times. It was so hard for my brain to tell my hands to do different things at the same time. Balancing the pedals were the most difficult. Having to focus on multiple things on road were much worse. But now I'm a hardcore driver alreadyyy.
Again, it takes practice for me to get me used to doing these stuff.
3. I began to learn swimming after I got married. First with my little brothers in law. Next with Syafiq of course. He was struggling to teach me as I haven't got (even to-date) my legs and hands synchronised.
Long story short it is hard for me to get things synchronised with not enough practice. I have to train myself hard to do things, to get to the mastery level. This speaks for everything I do in life. Can't settle for less. Must work hard to achieve things.
The Feeling of Evening
I love the feeling of evening I’ve had since I was a child. The anticipation which comes with it sheer excitement for my 5pm play time. And when I started schooling, I was always looking forward to my sports house practice.
Also the feeling of excitement to hear the last bell ringing, then to rush to ayah’s car or to walk home with Alia. I gushed about my club meetings in the evening, or marching training.
I have loved everything about anticipating evenings. Rain or shine evenings have always made my heart full.
When I first met Syafiq our dates were usually in the evening. At the park we took a walk. When I began my career, evenings are the time I begin to clock in.
Evenings are beautiful, even on my bad hair days.
