tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-66342209826925794412024-03-20T17:50:31.545+08:00ixarismiXahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10320507017368112591noreply@blogger.comBlogger193125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6634220982692579441.post-56194305747812385252023-11-13T17:43:00.001+08:002023-11-13T17:43:14.232+08:00One Hundred Ninety Four<p> I don't know why invitations stress me out. Let's analyse.</p><p><br /></p><p>One, because I'm a people pleaser and I feel bad turning others down.</p><p>Second, because I feel sorry if I don't fulfill their invites.</p><p><br /></p><p>Come to think of it... why would I disappoint them? I may... but I am not that important to begin with. Also, I think people recover quickly. And they'll most likely find replacements in no time.</p><p><br /></p><p>And I have to prioritise myself too! Sometimes I feel obliged accepting invites to the expense of my own happiness - I mean, I need time for myself and do whatever I've long planned to do. Or I simply feel the event does not benefit me in any way.</p><p>Yup, I guess now I know why. Thanks for analysing this with me.</p>iXahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10320507017368112591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6634220982692579441.post-47369753947488434792023-11-12T20:17:00.001+08:002023-11-12T20:17:17.647+08:00One Hundred Nine Three<p> My husband is so annoying I always feel the need of having some space when he's around.</p><p><br /></p><p>Now that he's away I am missing him so much.</p><p><br /></p><p>Urgh the irony.</p>iXahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10320507017368112591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6634220982692579441.post-27735589906665076392023-11-12T17:23:00.001+08:002023-11-12T17:23:33.095+08:00One Hundred Ninety Two<p> Is this blog entirely anonymous? </p><p><br /></p><p>Would people have to go in depth to identify my real identity? Or do I give away pretty easily?</p><p><br /></p><p>I'm not sure and I'm also not sure if I care.</p><p><br /></p><p>It's Deepavali today. Took the kids to my home last night so they could have an early morning swim today. Went back to my mom's in the afternoon with them. I'm now bored af but I have tonnes to do.</p><p><br /></p><p>Where do I even begin?</p><p>First, my manuscript for a publisher that was due last week! Writing is a piece of cake but to start writing is so difficult!</p><p>Second, a module for a public university that's due in two weeks time. Notes, exercises and videos to make. I told Syafiq I need a couple of days on quarantine to finish this. He sounded interested to help out. We'll see how.</p><p>And many other stuffs relating to product and marketing with my business. We're aiming big. We just hired a consultant and all seems fine so far. I've got more people on the bus to help out. Because I think the idea of doing these stuffs on my own isn't prudent nor feasible anymore. Too much on my plate (or talam, as per Amal). Delegation seems to be the wisest thing to do now.</p><p>We're aiming for a million dollar revenue next. I know other people have reached this long ago. My learning curve may be way lagged behind. But I'm working hard towards that.</p><p><br /></p><p>Insya Allah. If Allah wills it.</p>iXahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10320507017368112591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6634220982692579441.post-36616082249398401812022-11-03T10:57:00.001+08:002023-11-12T17:16:00.454+08:00One Hundred Ninety One<p> I think I have hand-eye coordination problem.</p><p><br /></p><p>Never did I realise this until recently - especially after I was exposed to problems facing people with spectrum. Here are some instances showing exactly my coordination problem.</p><p>1. Mum sent me to music class as early as 9. My first few classes were the hardest. I had a hard time synchronising my right hand for the melody, my left hand for the chord and my left foot for the pedal. It came with practice, but it was definitely not something which came naturally easy to me.</p><p><br /></p><p>2. My driving test was among the worst yet memorable experience I had in life. I took the test 3 times. It was so hard for my brain to tell my hands to do different things at the same time. Balancing the pedals were the most difficult. Having to focus on multiple things on road were much worse. But now I'm a hardcore driver alreadyyy. </p><p>Again, it takes practice for me to get me used to doing these stuff.</p><p><br /></p><p>3. I began to learn swimming after I got married. First with my little brothers in law. Next with Syafiq of course. He was struggling to teach me as I haven't got (even to-date) my legs and hands synchronised. </p><p><br /></p><p>Long story short it is hard for me to get things synchronised with not enough practice. I have to train myself hard to do things, to get to the mastery level. This speaks for everything I do in life. Can't settle for less. Must work hard to achieve things.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>iXahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10320507017368112591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6634220982692579441.post-59663905492285134432021-03-17T19:55:00.003+08:002021-03-17T19:55:34.616+08:00One Hundred Ninety<p>The Feeling of Evening</p><p>I love the feeling of evening I’ve had since I was a child. The anticipation which comes with it sheer excitement for my 5pm play time. And when I started schooling, I was always looking forward to my sports house practice.</p><p><br /></p><p>Also the feeling of excitement to hear the last bell ringing, then to rush to ayah’s car or to walk home with Alia. I gushed about my club meetings in the evening, or marching training.</p><p><br /></p><p>I have loved everything about anticipating evenings. Rain or shine evenings have always made my heart full. </p><p><br /></p><p>When I first met Syafiq our dates were usually in the evening. At the park we took a walk. When I began my career, evenings are the time I begin to clock in.</p><p><br /></p><p>Evenings are beautiful, even on my bad hair days.</p>iXahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10320507017368112591noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6634220982692579441.post-49826214742955193732021-03-09T21:42:00.004+08:002021-03-09T21:42:55.717+08:00One Hundred Eighty Nine<p> "I've never seen you show your emotions to your subordinates," he said. "I'm so sorry this happens to you."</p><p><br /></p><p>Marriage can be pretty stressful sometimes but moments like today get me wonder what have I done to deserve someone as loving and caring like him. </p>iXahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10320507017368112591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6634220982692579441.post-76817338037608987202020-04-20T00:13:00.001+08:002020-04-20T00:13:26.261+08:00One Hundred Eighty EightI think it's the 30th or 31st day of Restricted Movement Order (RMO) but who's even counting?<br />
<br />
I am supposed to do the laundry but a sudden thought dragged me here. Probably because I'm missing my mom and Cik Nah so much that I keep thinking about them. And something that Syafiq nonchalantly uttered to me a couple of months back got me wondering.<br />
<br />
I am lucky to be brought up in a very selfless family. Mom, dad and Cik Nah always prioritise us children. They made sure they were available for every occasion. They didn't mind (or so I thought) to wait if we got carried away chatting with our friends or teachers after a competition or event. They'd wait, with patience they would.<br /><br />They would never just drop us at the bus station or the airport so we could check in by ourselves. The whole troop would send us out and bid proper farewell. They made time for us. We felt (and still do) very important.<br />
<br />
Little did I realise they were busy people. Mom worked as an AGM at an esteemed GLC. She was always busy, always on the move, always flying... but it's magical that she was always there for me. She knew all my friends and their families. My friends and their parents did too.<br />
<br />
Dad was much more advanced. He even knew every corner at my school (given the fact he's the chairman of the PTA) and all the teachers. I didn't even know all teachers. He cared. He didn't act like he did but he genuinely cared. People were pleased with his presence. He was always concerned, very generous and always giving.<br />
<br />
When I grew up, especially after dad left us, I suddenly wondered if my parents and Cik Nah even had 'a life' as they'd been focusing too much on us. The four of us. Then it hit me, we are their life.<br />
<br />
They wouldn't finish the last fruit on the table because they thought we should. They would cancel, or postpone a balik kampung because one of us had a kawad kaki competition. Everyone's birthday was celebrated with grandeur and jubilation. We felt (and still do) feel important.<br />
<br />
It was never about a single person. It's always about togetherness. Syafiq made me realised a couple of months back that I have become a lot like my parents and Cik Nah. He said, "No wonder you always put others first. You get it from them."<br />
<br />I was in awe. I didn't know what to say. I didn't even know I was like that.<br />
<br />
Until I became a part of a birthday celebration of a different family where the celebrated one bought a cake written "Happy birthday to me and myself". It showed how underappreciated this person felt to the family. There was no song, no wish. It was totally different from the celebrations I had with my own family. The family members find it a torment to be there on each other's big days; graduations, weddings you name it. It's like they are forced to be present. Their togetherness was forced.<br />
<br />
I'm grateful I was brought up in a selfless family who'd have each other's back.iXahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10320507017368112591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6634220982692579441.post-26134022696854851492019-06-25T20:16:00.000+08:002019-06-25T20:16:00.530+08:00One Hundred Eighty SevenI think what makes relationship works is the fact that two people want the same thing in life. You can't be wanting to live a quiet life when your spouse wants a hectic life. You aspire the same kind of destination you would want to end up with, and you work for it.<br />
<br />
Some people may be able to tolerate and forego their dreams for the sake of staying in the relationship, but I don't think that works for me. Thankfully Syafiq and I share the same dreams despite the many differences we have to argue about.<br />
<br />
Love is miraculous, but it alone does not suffice. You need compatibility to live together, and not just to live together, but to live harmoniously; at peace.iXahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10320507017368112591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6634220982692579441.post-82873418321528509612019-02-26T00:13:00.000+08:002020-04-20T00:14:32.702+08:00One Hundred Eighty SixAll my life I am a fan of playgrounds.<br />
<br />
Hundreds of years ago when I was 9, when playground for me was a place to play than to bringing the nephews to play nor for dating - I frequented one near my house.<br />
<br />
There, I'd meet my friends especially Amira and Norita to play various games like galah panjang and tag.<br />
<br />
There was this big slide in the middle of the park where we made it our 'fort' so that anyone hidden in the fort couldn't be tagged.<br />
<br />
There was this one time when we got scolded by an uncle who took his small daughter aged 3 or so, "Ini kan gelongsor! Buat macam gelongsor. Jangan main-main kat sini!"<br />
<br />
Then we stopped playing that day.<br />
<br />
Recalling the incident, it got me thinking why would adults restrict a child's imagination? Should toys be played the way they are supposed to be played or should we let children use their imagination to explore them?<br />
<br />
I would most definitely support giving children the freedom to go wild with their thoughts. That's how they develop their mind.<br />
<br />
Stop restricting a child's growing mind. iXahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10320507017368112591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6634220982692579441.post-75253013254965128012019-02-18T09:44:00.002+08:002019-02-18T09:44:21.625+08:00One Hundred Eighty FiveYesterday I got mad at Syafiq for no apparent reason (well, he didn't comply with one of my tiny request) and stopped talking to him. He tried his best to console me and when I've cooled down, he reminded me in his softest voice, <br />
<br />
"I understand we can't get everything we want and sometimes we become upset. But we must not hurt others too at the same time."<br />
<br />
I immediately apologised for saying things I shouldn't have. iXahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10320507017368112591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6634220982692579441.post-5752233240781388852018-12-20T14:39:00.000+08:002018-12-20T14:39:15.611+08:00One Hundred Eighty FourSo I am contesting for a poem recital competition this weekend. Hahahaha recalling my good ol' days in high school.<br />
<br />
So I went looking for ayah's poem compilation, which was supposed to be in this one box upstairs. But I didn't manage to find it. I, however, discovered mom and dad's old birthday cards, years before I was born. Most cards were sent by mom to dad, since their engagement days to the days when she had to left dad and abanglong for London.<br />
<br />
As compared to dad, mom doesn't really show her affection to us (dad and us). Sometimes I wonder if she loved us (of course she does, look at all the comfort the provided us with). Hence I was so surprised looking at the giant cards she used to send to ayah. I almost shed a tear reading every love message sent, but then Cik Nah came to me to help find the poem compilation.<br />
<br />
I am still deeply affected by my discovery just now. It is really heart breaking imagining mom packing the cards, and putting them at one place. Her memories with ayah must've hurt her so much. Now I can't imagine a life without my husband. How am I going to live a minute without him by my side. Having said this, I now honestly understood how strong mama is maneuvering her present days without her lover.<br />
<br />
We miss you, ayah. But we never miss praying for you. Al-fatihah.<br />
<br />
p/s: I still haven't found the poem to contest. Huwaaa.iXahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10320507017368112591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6634220982692579441.post-12264400106893771762018-12-20T14:32:00.000+08:002018-12-20T14:32:28.369+08:00One Hundred Eighty ThreeI am supposed to be finishing my book writing today. But oh well, I got distracted (as usual).<br />
<br />
At the moment, I am still contemplating on whether or not I should blog as my professional persona so it can benefit my followers and fans (HAHAHAHA I know right). But then it is really hard to hold yourself and hide the nasty part of you when writing. I mean, I am so comfortably being myself as I write because this is how I express myself the best.<br />
<br />
Anyhow I still, should proceed, IMO. It's a sensible option for self branding purposes. Let's just figure that out later.<br />
<br />
Oh have I also mentioned I would've blogged more frequently if I can do it via phone? Or if my laptop doesn't require to be plugged on to use? I mean, I think a lot and would love having my thoughts transferred into writing but unfortunately I do not have the means to. And when I am available to write, I don't have the mood anymore.<br />
<br />
My goodness I am being so complicated about writing alone.iXahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10320507017368112591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6634220982692579441.post-12701861066035566972018-08-25T13:54:00.001+08:002018-08-25T13:54:39.121+08:00One Hundred Eighty TwoIt was an accidental meeting. Thank god for the mishap that took place the day before.<br />
<br />
Sometimes you need a slap on your face to see the world from a different angle. You know the way out but you wished you had known the right channel. Now that you do it's time for you to set the deadline and act upon it.<br />
<br />
It's now or never.iXahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10320507017368112591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6634220982692579441.post-56876868466008581682018-08-25T13:52:00.001+08:002018-08-25T13:52:51.707+08:00One Hundred Eighty OneI really don't like it when my credibility is being questioned. Just because you don't see with your bare eyes what I do doesn't mean I don't do things. In fact, I might accomplish more than half you could even achieve.<br />
<br />
Some people's mind can't stop working. And that some people is me.<br />
<br />
You might as well look after yourself, because you seem to be pretty unoccupied I see.iXahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10320507017368112591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6634220982692579441.post-55453351666988446612018-08-25T13:50:00.002+08:002018-08-25T13:50:27.717+08:00One Hundred EightyMempertahankan sesuatu yang menyakitkan. Tujuannya apa? Meletak harapan? Masihkah ada?iXahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10320507017368112591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6634220982692579441.post-12042874896545474462018-07-11T12:07:00.001+08:002018-07-11T12:07:45.896+08:00One Hundred Seventy NineLeadership and entrepreneurship co-exist together. You can't be a great entrepreneur without being a good leader first and foremost.<br />
<br />
How does a leader lead?<br />
<br />
You inspire. How? You set an example, or a template. You work ethics will become a benchmark to your followers.<br />
<br />
You set the pace. You navigate. You follow up every instruction. You care for those working with you. You get involved. You take charge. You listen.<br />
<br />
You set the course. You become the captain, not the life boat.iXahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10320507017368112591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6634220982692579441.post-45640149965895142172018-06-28T12:24:00.001+08:002018-06-28T12:24:34.334+08:00One Hundred Seventy EightMy bestfriend and I were deciding on a pengapit for her wedding which is around the corner.<br />
<br />
Moi: Hmm, kenapa tak pilih kita jadi pengapit je?<br />
<br />
Her: Tak boleh, nanti awak outshine kita.<br />
<br />
Moi: 🙄<br />
<br />
Moi: Okay what about An?<br />
<br />
Her: Too small.<br />
<br />
Moi: Syah?<br />
<br />
Her: Too young.<br />
<br />
Moi: Mims?<br />
<br />
Her: Yes! Her!<br />
<br />
Moi: Tapi, nak ke dia?iXahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10320507017368112591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6634220982692579441.post-52807610560462580252018-02-25T13:12:00.000+08:002018-02-25T13:12:11.671+08:00One Hundred Seventy SevenWriting is best when emotional.<br />
<br />
Especially in rage or in sadness.<br />
<br />
Probably it's just me, and how I channel such feelings.<br />
<br />
Probably sharing isn't as exciting now. The tendency to keeping things to oneself is high now.<br />
<br />
<br />iXahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10320507017368112591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6634220982692579441.post-19394472788779328432017-12-26T13:52:00.001+08:002017-12-26T13:52:56.548+08:00One Hundred Seventy SixI am not feeling very well. My body’s aching, my throat is sore.<br />
<br />
And I cried.<br />
<br />
“Makin kita besar, makin kurang tempat bergantung kan?” I asked, sobbing.<br />
<br />
“Tak lah, cuma tukar tempat bergantung aje.”<br />
<br />
<br />iXahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10320507017368112591noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6634220982692579441.post-78498002692072696832017-11-01T19:55:00.002+08:002017-11-01T19:55:36.733+08:00One Hundred Seventy FiveI've been suffering from this writer's block since yesterday.<br />
<br />
I had to write four 500-word essays yesterday and I managed to write 3 in less than 2 hours, hands down, pats on my back. All three received commendable comments from those who checked, and I was happy with their outcome.<br />
<br />
When it comes to the forth one, I was suddenly stuck. I had no idea what to write about... and deadline is almost knocking on my door. I was so upset and discouraged that I probably portrayed a different kind of self to my husband.<br />
<br />
He was so worried he immediately asked me out (LOL) for a drink and listened to what bothered me. And now, right at the moment I am writing this, he's sharing a number of articles to help me with my writing.<br />
<br />
I'm all smiley now. Thank you sayang. Those articles really come in handy. They are very very helpful!iXahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10320507017368112591noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6634220982692579441.post-56887325674576501122017-11-01T09:12:00.000+08:002017-11-01T09:12:01.172+08:00One Hundred Seventy FourI still think Blogger needs an app (a working one) where I can easily access and pen down my thoughts anywhere I like. I am not with my laptop all the time. Jadi when I feel like all writing, I couldn't do it because of you Blogger! Grrr.<br />
<br />
It's November. I'm scared, to be honest. Many deadlines are around the corner, my best friend's giving birth today, I have a life-changing decision to make (well it's already made, the processes that come with it takes time), payments due etc. Patutlah ramai orang rindu nak jadi kanak-kanak balik. Sigh.<br />
<br />
<br />iXahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10320507017368112591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6634220982692579441.post-83973545306827617822017-09-24T17:28:00.000+08:002017-09-24T17:30:13.432+08:00One Hundred Seventy ThreeHayl asks challenging questions which usually starts with "Why" or "How".<br />
<br />
Like, how does a dragon drink (does it even exist)?
Or how long have Youtube been there (I asked him to google the history of Youtube)... why did kak Rose say this and that in Upin Ipin? <br />
<br />
Most of the times, truthfully, we don't even have answers for these. As a matter of fact, these questions never really cross our mind!<br />
<br />
Growing children are curious. They are absorbing fast through their observations and experience.<br />
<br />
Stimulate their thoughts. Don't discourage them from thinking and asking even if it tires or annoys you. Don't shut them from being curious.<br />
<br />
So yesterday he asked another difficult one,
"Do USA want to (wage) war with North Korea? Why?"
I asked him to google instead 😝
"Asyik gooogle je!" he replied.<br />
<br />
Frankly honey, I would need to google myself to give you the answer. You might as well do the googling yourself.iXahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10320507017368112591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6634220982692579441.post-16012782689736577892017-09-23T18:55:00.002+08:002017-09-23T18:55:24.987+08:00One Hundred Seventy TwoI just received a devastating news.<br />
<br />
My form 1 classmate had just passed away this morning out of heart attack, leaving a wife behind. We're barely 35, let alone 40.<br />
<br />
This just reminds me of today's<b> very </b>unhealthy lifestyle. With lack of exercise (I barely sweat recently), the food intake, the amount of chemicals and artificial flavourings and colourings we consume is unimaginable.<br />
<br />
From his recent photo, it's obvious his size has doubled, or even tripled since his wedding 3 years back. This worries me. It makes me think of my family, my husband and my friends.<br />
<br />
Let this serves as a reminder, and a lesson to take greater care of our health. Because our body, too, is an amanah from Allah.<br />
<br />
Al-fatihah, F.iXahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10320507017368112591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6634220982692579441.post-52165657238168179452017-09-23T17:39:00.001+08:002017-09-25T15:39:33.227+08:00One Hundred Seventy OneWill you remember me on this starry night?<br />
Will you remember me when the wind blows softly against your face?<br />
<br />
Will I be the one you think of before retiring tonight?<br />
Will I be the first on your mind when you open your eyes?<br />
<br />
Will I cross your mind amidst the laughter?<br />
Will I even stay in when the silence strikes?<br />
<br />
Would our thoughts somewhat connect in the universe?<br />
Would that be the reason I'm longing for you right now?<br />
<br />
Would it take absence to finally feel your existence?<br />
Would it require distance to appreciate your presence?<br />
<br />
aruzahazzi<br />
22 Sept 2017iXahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10320507017368112591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6634220982692579441.post-89426689821471761682017-09-06T00:37:00.000+08:002017-09-06T00:37:16.495+08:00One Hundred SeventyNobody is stopping me from what I'm achieving. If you can't keep up, you may excuse yourself from this walk. You don't want to be the one holding me back.iXahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10320507017368112591noreply@blogger.com0